To My Dear Daughter,
Well, whole books can be and have been written about self esteem. How to re-say those things without sounding like a broken record? There is not much that parents, and especially a mom, can say to a teenage daughter to make her feel good about herself, I know. We see so much that you cannot; we see the goodness, and we see the beauty, and we see the way your friends laugh and smile when you are around.
But more than what we see, is what we parents know in our hearts. And the knowledge we have, is that the importance of outward stuff truly fades over time. It is without a doubt 100% true, although it is cliche and your generation no doubt gets tired of hearing it, that the social media ubiquity has a totally destructive influence on how your generation perceives themselves and feels about themselves. There are scientific studies that prove mood lowers after being on social media. Which is another reason why I think it's important as heck(!) to take breaks from that stuff. Put the phone down and look up and around.
But anyway - back to you :). Because that's what this is about!! I admire your beauty; I admire your interest in learning and studying how to so beautifully do your hair and your makeup; I admire your style. And I also admire the fact that you are self-aware, and know that sometimes you feel bad about yourself, but I hope along with that self-awareness is a realization that it passes. We women all have "good hair/good face/good body/good clothes" days, and similarly bad days. It's a common theme that will run true for you for years, believe me. I still have days where I think I look great - and unfortunately even more where I don't. I am really encouraged by the fact that your generation has a lot of good conversation about positivity, admiring different ways of looking, and that beauty takes many forms. I hope that influence continues, and that you listen to those positive voices.
What I most want to convey to you, though, is that self esteem is not the answer to life. Happiness, satisfaction, contentment, call it whatever you want... will not come through better clothes, or better makeup, perfect skin or a size 0 body. The destructive influence of social media is the lie that these things DO lead to a happy life. It is a lie. And if I can be permitted to speak boldly and dramatically and preachily, I believe it is a lie from Satan. He wants us to focus on ourselves so much that we have no time in our lives to lift our heads and our eyes up, look around us at the people we are with and love, see needs in others' lives, and meet those needs. This sound like sermonizing, but believe me, I am preaching to myself too. I need to hear this message every day. It's not about me.
My love language is acts of service, so this looks different for different people. But... my best times, my happiest and most contented times, are when I am doing things for others. For me there is no better way to take the focus off of myself, and stop hating on myself, than to realize that there are people in this world with some seriously big problems. Problems that I can at least put a band-aid on. Start small. Let's find something to do together to love on people who need it, way more than we do.
Love you!
Mommy
Well, whole books can be and have been written about self esteem. How to re-say those things without sounding like a broken record? There is not much that parents, and especially a mom, can say to a teenage daughter to make her feel good about herself, I know. We see so much that you cannot; we see the goodness, and we see the beauty, and we see the way your friends laugh and smile when you are around.
But more than what we see, is what we parents know in our hearts. And the knowledge we have, is that the importance of outward stuff truly fades over time. It is without a doubt 100% true, although it is cliche and your generation no doubt gets tired of hearing it, that the social media ubiquity has a totally destructive influence on how your generation perceives themselves and feels about themselves. There are scientific studies that prove mood lowers after being on social media. Which is another reason why I think it's important as heck(!) to take breaks from that stuff. Put the phone down and look up and around.
But anyway - back to you :). Because that's what this is about!! I admire your beauty; I admire your interest in learning and studying how to so beautifully do your hair and your makeup; I admire your style. And I also admire the fact that you are self-aware, and know that sometimes you feel bad about yourself, but I hope along with that self-awareness is a realization that it passes. We women all have "good hair/good face/good body/good clothes" days, and similarly bad days. It's a common theme that will run true for you for years, believe me. I still have days where I think I look great - and unfortunately even more where I don't. I am really encouraged by the fact that your generation has a lot of good conversation about positivity, admiring different ways of looking, and that beauty takes many forms. I hope that influence continues, and that you listen to those positive voices.
What I most want to convey to you, though, is that self esteem is not the answer to life. Happiness, satisfaction, contentment, call it whatever you want... will not come through better clothes, or better makeup, perfect skin or a size 0 body. The destructive influence of social media is the lie that these things DO lead to a happy life. It is a lie. And if I can be permitted to speak boldly and dramatically and preachily, I believe it is a lie from Satan. He wants us to focus on ourselves so much that we have no time in our lives to lift our heads and our eyes up, look around us at the people we are with and love, see needs in others' lives, and meet those needs. This sound like sermonizing, but believe me, I am preaching to myself too. I need to hear this message every day. It's not about me.
My love language is acts of service, so this looks different for different people. But... my best times, my happiest and most contented times, are when I am doing things for others. For me there is no better way to take the focus off of myself, and stop hating on myself, than to realize that there are people in this world with some seriously big problems. Problems that I can at least put a band-aid on. Start small. Let's find something to do together to love on people who need it, way more than we do.
Love you!
Mommy
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